OMG,,,two posts in one day,,,I either need to work more or complete a hobby...I do have many of those,,,actually I started going through my mail,,,not my spam,,,most of that goes right in a trash folder--my contacts are saved,,and I came across this list of a demented person...and LMAO,,,hope you enjoy...Happy Trails......................
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###{I LOVE BRIGHT COLORS AT TIMES}##
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IDLE THOUGHTS OF A DEMENTED PERSON
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once--or was it twice? { OR THREE TIMES}
I went to San Francisco. I found someones heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask ... is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. {I would love to prove this}
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. { I fall under this category,,Thanks Mom & Dad}
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when every thing else is gone. { I lack this}
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained three pounds. {Dam that shampoo}
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a 20 penny nail. {what is a penny nail}
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups? { Dysfunctional at it's best}
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial? {YES}
What's another word for thesaurus? { I give up,..What}
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? { no argument there,,lol }
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. { Or on}
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken!
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. { how true}
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. { that explains the 5 remote controls}
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.{ I want to go like my Grandfather,,in my sleep---Not like the other 3 in the car,,,screaming as they went over the cliff}
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. { Good advice}
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." ..{ How gross,,and true,,,bet it was a redkneck}
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? {Hello,,,I can logicaly answer this....it has not yet been discovered}
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? { I'm still wondering how you crack corn,,humm}
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? { do they have it in Spanish now?}
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Hummmmmmmmmmmmm
###{I LOVE BRIGHT COLORS AT TIMES}##
#############################################
IDLE THOUGHTS OF A DEMENTED PERSON
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once--or was it twice? { OR THREE TIMES}
I went to San Francisco. I found someones heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask ... is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. {I would love to prove this}
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. { I fall under this category,,Thanks Mom & Dad}
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when every thing else is gone. { I lack this}
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained three pounds. {Dam that shampoo}
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a 20 penny nail. {what is a penny nail}
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups? { Dysfunctional at it's best}
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial? {YES}
What's another word for thesaurus? { I give up,..What}
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? { no argument there,,lol }
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. { Or on}
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken!
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. { how true}
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. { that explains the 5 remote controls}
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.{ I want to go like my Grandfather,,in my sleep---Not like the other 3 in the car,,,screaming as they went over the cliff}
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. { Good advice}
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." ..{ How gross,,and true,,,bet it was a redkneck}
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? {Hello,,,I can logicaly answer this....it has not yet been discovered}
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? { I'm still wondering how you crack corn,,humm}
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? { do they have it in Spanish now?}
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Hummmmmmmmmmmmm
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