Feeling and Thoughts

Right now I am having a Pity moment. I try every day to be Strong and not let the little things get to me but these past 2 days have been tough. My Mom is declining and we need to put her in a home. It goes against everything I believe in. I have cared for and gotten close to a lot of patients over the years and seeing them die at home with loved ones, or in a hospice unit to me is much easier to deal with. And knowing that you have to put your own Mother in a home is awful. I am financially unable to do anything about it. My home is really not mine, I share it with {J} who is about as understanding as a rock. I have a large family but actually only me and my sister Milly deal with the issues at hand and its freaking stress full. On Sunday Midgie and I checked out one home, unnoticed which is the best way, and we talked to one resident there. My sister Milly was leaning towards another home in another county....Ugh pressure. Last night I stayed up using the putor and researching both homes from Health department records, and copping all my findings to mail to another sister out of state to see how she feels. But we have decided which one already and it really bothers me. Today I went there and sat about a hour with Mom and took her to supper, Milly went later to see her. She also called the oldest sister to see when she was there last.....it has been awhile. I know my one brother went last week but when have the other 2 gone....Only when I tell them to it seems. I realize they have a life of their own, and work and dealing with their families. Milly tells me how she doesn't think Mommy will be here for Thanksgiving, and hopes she dies in her sleep, I don't think I can handle this yet.....You always expect your Mom and Dad to be there, and its hard. I was there when my Dad died and with my Mom in a home, she is among strangers....it just sucks right now. I called my girlfriend Karen and things suck for her right now too, so we will get together later this week and have our own pity party then, We will go to dinner and forget our troubles then. This is a favorite photo of my Mom and Dad, When I look at this picture I think, I get get my stylish behavior from my Mom and my willing to help from my Dad...........Happy Trails........?