Feelings

Yesterday morning I awoke angry, Thinking again about the "Home". This morning I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had to. I thought ok, after I do the mail, then go up to the "home", I will come home and sleep. But I need to adjust to not going there. I dreaded every time I went there and found Mrs. C. sitting by her self,,looking sad. She would be sooo happy to see me,,And numerous times she would say.." How did you find me, I was praying that you would come". I need to adjust to changes. I became close to a few other patients there, do I just not go and forget about ever knowing them? I need to think about that. This picture she would have appreciated,,it is of peach tree blossoms. The older tree in the back and the younger branches in the front. Over these past days you would think {J}, would have given me a hug, but no. If I say.." You know I was going throu a rough spot in my life and could have used a hug" His response would have been..." you didn't ask for one, or..I thought you wanted your space". He can be such a dick head at times. I told him now that I don't have that job any more I'm not sure how I am going to pay for all my medications...Heart pills, cholesterol meds, his response was,," Just stop taking them"...I said she I just put my self on "Hospice",,,his response was maybe. What a jerk. Perhaps I am trying to take my anger out at what ever I can...Or maybe I need to just change my life. I need to take a hot shower and wash away the present gloom, and look at all the positive I have,,,,like the blossoms of the tree...even on grey, cloudy rainy days--they stand beautifully. Happy Trails!!!